Is Christmas Here Yet?

Lately I have been in a slump. And it’s not like I don’t know why I feel like I do, because I know exactly why. There are multiple things, some bigger than others, that make me just so unhappy all the time. I feel like, if this makes any sense, that I’m just “existing”. Not living, just existing. It’s really rather sad and I’m really rather sad, but I don’t feel like I can do anything about it.

The problem is that I’ve been feeling this way practically all semester. Ever since I got to college or somewhere about there is when it started. I just feel so lazy about everything…and nonchalant. And I don’t really care about anything anymore, as horrible as this sounds…but for instance: tests, the way I look, making simple decisions like what to eat (when normally this would be a big decision for me since I’m so indecisive.), or just my life in general. I just don’t care anymore. And this is easily the worst feeling in the world. I’m in a slump.

I bet you are feeling really sorry for me about right now and wondering why I am writing this or what you can do to make me feel better, or just why I feel like this in general. Well…I’m not writing this to get your pity. I’m just trying to explain myself and the way I’ve been acting lately. I want to be happy again! TRUST ME!! I want to feel good enough to smile all the time like I used to instead of just sometimes, I want to giggle at everything like I used to…for some reason everything isn’t as funny anymore. I want to be in the mood to listen to my happy songs but I can’t because I never feel good enough to hear “I Feel Good” by James Brown and once again it’s sad but I don’t feel like the world is that wonderful enough to sing “What A Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong.

So, to end this entry in a somewhat optimistic note I am going to list some things that make me happy. Just random things that always make me feel good. Here’s to hopefully being happy in the future.

1. snow- I realize that I have a long time until I get snow, but I just LOVE it so much. It always makes me smile.

2. Christmas- same as snow. It seems like FOREVER away but I CAN NOT WAIT!!! Christmas is my favorite season ever! And whenever it gets relatively close I just get in such a happy, ecstatic mood. I can’t help it. Christmas is such a wonderful, magical time about love and happiness and I want it to come now so that I can just be happy.

3. getting late, late phone calls from people- Whether I am up studying for a test or sleeping; whether it’s 3:00 am or even 6:00 am I LOVE it. I’m not even being sarcastic either. Just the thought that someone is thinking about me and decides to call me and wants to talk to me bad enough that they will call me that late..I Love it!! It makes me feel loved.

4. reading a book that has a ribbon attached as a book mark- this one is really weird, but for some reason it makes me happy. Probably because it’s old fashioned and just a really cool idea. Plus, I love reading in general and the ribbon is just a little cool bonus.

5. weddings- It’s probably just because I’m a hopeless romantic and weddings are all about the love. Everyone there is just so happy that you can’t not be happy at a wedding. Plus, they are usually so beautiful.

6. Strawberries- Strawberries are my comfort food. I love them, which is why I eat about a quart of strawberries a day over the summer. I especially love chocolate covered strawberries too. But it’s just my luck that I can’t have strawberries now because they are out of season. Great…

7. Crème puffs- This is just because crème puffs are my favorite dessert pretty much. So, they make me happy.

8. family get togethers- I LOVE my family. They are the greatest and when I’m surrounded by all those wonderful people, eating all that wonderful food, and just feeling so loved and having so much fun I’m happy!!

9.) lilies- After much debating (since I am so indecisive) I think I have finally decided that lilies are my favorite flower, especially white lilies. Not so much Calla Lilies, but Day Lilies. But I also love assorted flowers in general….they are just so beautiful.

This is my list. There are many other things, but these are just the ones I was thinking about at the moment. I want to be happy right now SO bad!! I know it will all get better eventually, but that time can’t come soon enough apparently. Don’t worry though..I’ll be alright.

How do I look?

Last night I made one of the most important decisions of my life. Well…someone else made it for me rather. But, it was done. Maybe I regret it or maybe it’s for the best. But all I know is I can’t possibly get any worse than I am now. I woke up this morning to shower. I was in such a haze that I walked out of my room with my slippers on. I washed my hair twice because I couldn’t remember washing it the first time. I didn’t eat anything but a banana today and even that made me sick. I would have eaten strawberries but they are out of season. So I can’t even have my comfort food. I’ve had a headache all day, and a huge test tomorrow to study for, but I can’t even concentrate on that.

I walked out of my dorm to go to class feeling like crap this morning. I was passing the cleaning lady and she said “don’t look too enthused”. The only thing I could think of to say was “it’s been a long week”. Do I really look as terrible on the outside as I do on the inside? It just makes me wonder. We walk by hundreds of people everyday and never know what’s going on in their life. They could be going through a divorce, have an illness, mourning a death, they could have a broken heart, be failing out of college, just lost their job and you will never know. Most people smile on the outside to hide what they are crying about on the inside. Should I act all happy and smiley when inside I’m crushed? How many of those hundreds of people are smiling because they are actually happy? We will never know. What if that nice person that held the door open for you just found out that she is pregnant, or going to be a dad. What if they just got married, or got a promotion. How about won the lottery? Or maybe they just made one of the most important decisions they’ll ever have to make and they, unlike me, are smiling because of the choice they chose.

For Pete's sake!!!

Every time I go to the bathroom on the second floor in Porter Hall I leave thinking about the same thing. What is PX!!!??

First off I want to say that what is people's obsession with writing/carving things on the back of the bathroom stalls? Are you really that bored while you are sitting there? Are you really there that long that you must write a complete sentence on the door? I don't get it. And not only why do you write but also ...why do you write what you write? I mean...there are some bizarro things written on the doors in this bathroom. For instance:

Okay... I know they say that September 11, 2001 will be remembered forever. I agree. It was a big, tragic thing that shaped America and the lives in it...etc. They also say that it's just like when Kennedy got shot. If you were alive then, and assuming you were old enough to remember the significance, you will always remember where you were and/or what you were doing when you found out about 9/11. But why do you need to write the date on the back of a bathroom door? Were you right there when you found out? Does it stand on the door as a reminder of Patriotism or a memorium to those who perished? hm...I don't know...

Next... the disturbing ones. The specific one I am currently talking about is the oh so helpful and inspiring exclamation of "prevent rape...say yes". Oh...it's soo funny and soo...inspirational. Just reading that makes me realize two things 1. I need to spread the word, get out there and try to prevent rape..by saying..yes?? and 2. there are some pretty stupid people out there.

This next one is the most common of course. Dear Amanda, I know that you love Jason. Jason knows that you love him. But do I have to be reminded of it everytime I go pee?? I mean..lets think about this Amanda. Jason is obviously a boy right...and this is a girls restroom. He's not going to use it and every other person who uses it don't even know Jason...and maybe not even you for that matter..so do they really care that you love him. I think not. Don't get me wrong..I'm a hopeless romantic and am therefore all cool with the oh so sweet boy carving him and his girlfriends initials with the heart around it in the tree when they went camping or for a picnic. But...don't you think you can be a little more classy and romantic than putting your vow of undying love on the door of a restroom stall. Come on Amanda...go hiking with Jason for Pete's sake. Because Pete cleans those stall doors and he frankly doesn't care either.

This last one is the most annoying and confusing one yet. What the heck is PX?? It is written on almost every stall. If it's not just plain Px it is "PX rules" or "PX sucks @#%$". So, although I do not know what PX is...apparently it has supporters and non- supporters. Who've thought that something on the bathroom stall was so controversial. But once again...why on the bathroom stalls? Why is that necessary?

So, back to my question. What is PX? Everyday I think of this and I never come up with a decent answer. If PX is a cool way of saying Porter Hall (which would be a confusing nickname) than I am indifferent on the debate. Porter Hall seems to me to be an okay hall. The only real problem is that they haven't turned the heat on yet so I am FREEZING and that there is no ice machine. So, usually when I like ice to munch on when I am studying (don't ask me why I do this...it's just something Katherine and I got in the habit of doing last year) I am going to have to find something else...like candy or something. And that is BAD! Now...if PX stands for someone's initials..like Penelope Xavior...than once again I am indifferent. I don't know Penolope so I can't really say if she rules or sucks. But with a name like that I'd hope she'd have a pretty good personality...for her sake. Lastly if PX is a fraternity/sorority than once again..I am left indifferent. Although, I must admit I am not a huge fan of frats/sororities. It's all that "typical" fraternity boy or sorority girl that really bothers me. Plus, there are too many of those people here at Miami. Although, maybe this PX is a good frat/sorority. Who knows!? Not me!!

But seriously...WHAT IS PX??? And why am I forced to read about it everyday while I use the bathroom?

My Lament

I dedicate this blog to Brittany, Twila, Tiffani, Katherine, and myself.

BOYS SUCK!!! I'm sorry if you are a boy and you take offense to this, but it's true for about 95% of the cases and it has to be said. BOYS (yes..not gentlemen...not men...boys....little boys...little immature boys...because that's all they are) suck. They are always saying how girls are sooo confusing when really we aren't. All girls are the same...all girls want the same thing. So, in reality we aren't difficult. Watch a romantic comedy for god's sake. Give us a call. Do something nice for us just because. Don't not call us when you said you would. Don't use lame ass excuses for not taking ten minutes out of your day to let us know that you are maybe thinking about us..even a little bit. We know you are happy with your life right now and we happy for you, but how about taking a little time out of your happy life to make ours just a tid bit more happy and bearable. I mean..do something...don't just sit around and expect us to do everything. Because I'm pretty sure that means that you are slacking in the relationship department and you need to get your shit together and start doing something or else you are going to get dumped and be miserable because you fucked things up with the one girl who truly loved you.

Fall Season

I stepped outside last night and immediately felt the wind and chill of the night air. I started to walk to my destination. I could hear the leaves crunching under my feet and see all the trees that I know will be a beautiful spectacle of colors in a months’ time. All I could do was smile! : )

When asked what my favorite season is I usually don’t have an answer. Partly because I’m so indecisive that I can’t even make up my mind on something as simple as what I want for dinner and partly because I have a special place in my heart for every season. I love when the seasons start to change to. I love spring because the weather is getting warmer and flowers are starting to bloom. I love summer because I’m sort of a summer girl, I like getting tan too. Plus, summer means no school and I’m home in Loudonville. I love winter because snow is pretty much the most beautiful thing in the entire world (besides the sky) and it’s fun to play in and Christmas comes in winter. And lastly, I love fall because it’s the perfect weather ..just jeans and a sweatshirt or light jacket. The leaves are beautiful and falling and of course my main point! It’s fair season!!!

For those of you who are from Loudonville you know what I’m talking about. It’s become a holiday to us. Fall = Fair. The rides, the displays, the animals, the FOOD! Oh..the glorious food. Seeing my friends, bringing new ones to enjoy in the experience (Mallory), and my family! The Henley menu! The fair food is wonderful don’t get me wrong but there is nothing like going up to my grandma’s house to look through her annual fair menu and deciding on a Sloppy Joe and vegetable soup. To me, it’s become a part of my Fair experience. It’s not only the menu though. It’s visiting with all the relatives and playing games too.

Yes, I am definitely ready for fall. I am SO excited about fair! It’s only a week away. This Friday Katherine, me, and Mallory will be heading off to Loudonville to enjoy in the Fair Holiday. Mallory doesn’t even understand how great this is. Boy is she in for a treat!! So, yea for the fall season…because it brings us the Loudonville Fair!!