Yucky Love Stuff

So I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole love thing. True love, soul mates, love at first sight, hopeless romantics, Valentine’s Day, Sweetest Day, all that terrible love stuff…I have been thinking that maybe I don’t believe in any of it. I can’t decide. Most of my life I have been calling myself a hopeless romantic and have admitted to being a total stereotype girl when it comes to the gushy stuff and romantic gestures, but then I take a long hard look at my life and my past love experiences and realize that I am in fact a hopeless romantic. A romantic yes, but a hopeless one nonetheless.

Hopeless as in I have given up that there is actually a certain someone out there for me. One that will treat me the way I deserve to be treated and cares for me as much as I for them. Who will be a good boyfriend and want to spend all their time with you. Atleast, this is what I get from my mom. She keeps telling me that there is a boy out there for me like my dad was for her; apparently he was the perfect boyfriend. From all the stories though, I believe it. And it’s not like I don’t want to forget everything that’s going on right now and believe that I will be happy someday. It’s just that after all the guys I’ve ever loved not turning out to be quite like I was expecting and not quite as prince charming-like that I have been waiting for I just don’t know anymore. Why is it that I end up with these types of guys? I mean..I want things to work out..I want the guy I love to be the guy of my dreams…the guy that I’m going to end up with, but I can’t settle! I just don’t want to be one of those girls that is still single and unmarried looking for mister right in their late twenties.

Deep breath..I’m starting to rant. Where was I going with this? Oh yes…I want to be happy…who doesn’t?! I want the huge romantic gestures, the dates, the feeling. But I just don’t know if everyone was made to have a true love. I mean…my girlfriends and some guy friends and family know how to make me feel better and happy more than a boyfriend does. This has got to be a sign! Marissa wasn’t made to have a real love …just wonderful friends and family. Seriously…my friends and family are where I get all my romance from. As weird as this is going to sound…When I am having a bad week it’s my friends leaving me random comments of love, or my parents getting me a kitten and sending me a “get happy” card in the mail. It’s sisters who know when to watch your favorite movie and crawl into bed with you because you feel too lonely sleeping by yourself. It’s my friends wanting me to make sure to let them know I made it to school safely. My friends and family have been there thus far..so maybe I don’t need a boyfriend. Maybe humans weren’t made to be in a single relationship…

Last week I had to watch Cleopatra for a class. Being a terribly long movie I got rather bored watching it…so I surfed the internet and ended up looking up stuff on Cleopatra herself; Elizabeth Taylor. Besides the fact that she has violet eyes (yeah..purple eyes..how amazingly sweet is that!) she has been married eight times. Twice being to the same person; Richard Burton of course. And do you know how many times he was married? Five! Frank Sinatra: Four, Mickey Rooney: Eight I mean..how in the world?! Do you think these people believed in all this love stuff before each wedding, after each divorce? How can you believe that someone is your true love eight times?? And I know that there are those couples that make you want to grow old with one person, my parents for instance, but look at all the couples out there that just don’t work out! Maybe humans aren’t supposed to be monogamous because commitment is just too hard of a concept for some people to grasp. Commitment, dedication, time, effort, honesty all those elements that are required to make a relationship work..They are just too difficult to perform.

So, I have decided that for right now…I don’t want to believe in any of that yucky love stuff. Because every time I think I’ve finally got it figured out I’m proven wrong. So, bring on Thanksgiving Break, bring on nights out with my girls, nights in with my family, family get-togethers, food, going out to movies..anything…but this love stuff. I’m currently taking everything day by day. Who cares if I never mind that perfect guy, who cares if he’s right in front of my eyes but I’m too blind to see, who cares if someone suddenly decides to step up to the plate. I don’t care when it happens or if it ever does…I just want to be with friends right now because I’m too tired of all this love stuff. I guess it’s up to me to make myself happy cause nobody else is up for the challenge.